I've been feeling quite awful lately. I have done something so terribly awful that I feel disgusted with myself.
But I do not want to care anymore. What is done is done. I cannot take it back anymore. Fuck, I really hate this. I promise- will MY ALL- that this shall never happen again. This will never happen again.
I do not need to cry, but I would want to. Every time I think about it, I can feel my heart weigh twice as heavy. I feel like vomiting. I feel like going back to the old days when I feel like dying just so I can feel better. You see, I see Death as an easy escape from all these problems. I do not want to be a coward and take the easy way out. I do not want to give up. I will not.
My days are becoming so awfully depressing. I am thankful of my friends. I will do everything to keep these people happy. I will do everything just so I can save them from feeling this kind of depression.
As days grow further from the incident during 5th grade, I feel more and more comfortable crying in front of my friends. It is not just a random break down because of 'Mushroom' or because of my fucked up grades, I wish they could see through my stupid excuses. Honestly, I feel a lot better after I show them my tears.
The ones who have seen them are only these few, unfortunate beings: James (Ha Ha. Do not worry anymore Twin, it is not your fault. It was never your fault.), Rosabelle (My other friends might see her nothing more than a selfish, arrogant bitch, but I know she's much more than that. I wouldn't have stick with her since 2nd grade if she was like that. She's gone through more depressing problems than I ever had, and I am proud to call her my best friend.), and many other people I have long forgotten.
I hate this feeling I am feeling now. Disappointment, hate, regret, anger, and another unexplainable feeling; I hate these feelings.
-G e o r g e t t e
the one hoping for a better tomorrow
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