I am not happy anymore. Matter of fact, ever since I let Asdfg court me, I became anything but happy. I am not saying that he is the reason why I am unhappy. He hasn't done anything bad. I am just... such a bad, selfish human being. Insulting and blaming myself makes me feel less guilty.
I will be hurting someone very special to me to avoid future heartbreaks.
I rather break his heart now, than lead him on and then eventually breaking him even more.
But I think he already knows what I am about to do to him. :( Fuck, this is so bleeping hard. I hate it.
If I had one wish, it is for me to fall madly, hopelessly, selflessly in love with Asdfg. And then, we'll live happily ever after. I won't be needing to stop him from courting me because then, I'll have a reason for him to court me.
But then, nothing is magical nowadays.
I do not love him. I cannot reciprocate the love he is showing to me.
At one moment though, I was so close into giving up my happiness just so I wouldn't need to hurt him. But I cannot lie. I must not lie for this is a matter of hearts.
Asdfg, I wish I could have told you sooner. I cannot be even more sorry. I'm sorry I am going to hurt you. I'm sorry I am hurting you. I'm sorry that I cannot love you. This is just too complicated. This is too serious for a 15 year old. This is love. I am not ready for this.
-Georgette Anne
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